I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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