So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize