whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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