Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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