Apparently you make a good broom.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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