My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
