I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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