Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
