I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
