you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
