Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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