...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
