Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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