Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
