You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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