she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
