Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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