WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
