The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
