i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
