hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
