We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
