I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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