I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
