not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
