oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
