Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
