OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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