i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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