i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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