i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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