Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
