a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
