i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
