So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
