We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
