You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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