shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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