I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
