It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
