I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
