I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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