Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
