I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
