What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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