Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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