why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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