Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
