Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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