are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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