dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
