my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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