guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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