Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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