Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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