Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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