I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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