Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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