I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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