I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
