Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
