Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
