hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
