If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
