i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
