Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
