I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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