saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
