you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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