feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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