it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
