I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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