He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
