Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize