i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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