(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
