You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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