It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
