I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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