I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
