I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
