Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
