My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
