we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
