brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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