my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
NoShamevember. You game?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
