Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
the liver wants what the liver wants
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
