im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I skipped work to stalk him.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Let's paint friendship bongs
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
