Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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