Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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