I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
