why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
