Duck Duck Cougar?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
