Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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