she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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