There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
