i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
