she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
