I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
