She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
