You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
