Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
