She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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