my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
