Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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