alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
