I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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