Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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