He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Someone came in the potted fern
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize