I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
