just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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