in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize