yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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