meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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