the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hippo gnu deer
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
