i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize