she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He did a backflip because drugs
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