You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I believe in your delicious
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
