So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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