I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I touched a dick in church today
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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