I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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