if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
